just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
