Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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