I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
