she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
