never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
