Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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