Your face is a jimmy john
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
