break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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