dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
