I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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