Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
zippers are such a cool invention
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
