hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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