apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
