she smelled like a LAN party
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
