Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
