I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
