I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
