I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
