they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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