the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
