just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
