I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
