The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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