Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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