I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
