I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
