remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
