i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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