I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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