Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
