There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just had sex bonerless
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
