if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
