I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
