Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
