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I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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