There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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