one two three fourrrrnication!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She needs sedatives and a leash
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
