I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
