The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
