I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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