I cannot find my penis.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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