Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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