I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
