i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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