Come see our sink grown plant.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
