then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
