Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
