How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize