NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
