We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize