i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
