I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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