Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
