i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
