You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
