Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
