Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
