ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
