She announced her abortion via fbk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize