Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
