I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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