Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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