every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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