considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
