You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
