i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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