Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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