The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
