Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize