I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
