My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
