I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
