Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
