He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
