I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it was like eating out sand paper
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
