Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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