and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
