yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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