he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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