She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
