You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We don't watch enough power rangers
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
