Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
