so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want to make out with him forever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
