yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
