Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
