Moan for me like Helen Keller
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
