My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
