Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
