I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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