He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
