What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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