I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You've changed since you got that strap on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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