Pants 0. Shit 1.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
