Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize