i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so let's talk penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
