So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
even my farts smell like vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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