we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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