On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize