um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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