i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
