I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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