when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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