Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
