That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
