i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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