i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
