if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
